Cramps
A Not-Too-Personal-Diary
Ini kayaknya jadi curahatan hati di kala menstruasi, yah. Beneran deh seharian ngilu dan keram banget badan ini. Apalagi perut. Sumpah kalau bisa teriak, bakal kenceng banget sih aku.
Kalau kalian nge-follow akun Spotify-ku, pasti yang aku play akhir-akhir ini adalah playlist Singing Bowls. Sumpah pikiranku di dalem bener-bener se-rame itu, perlu banget buat nenangin diri tiap setengah jam. Mood-ku sekacau itu, bisa gampang banget nangis abis ngelakuin sesuatu atau liat video yang bahkan enggak bener-bener sedih. Jadi kayak semua bisa jadi sedih buat aku. Tapi terus mood-ku bisa berubah jadi enggak ngerasain apa-apa. I feel numb. Kayak sekarang ini. Aku enggak suka banget pas aku ngerasa kayak gini, aku enggak ada motivasi buat ngelakuin apapun. Padahal setengah jam yang lalu aku abis semangat banget nge-vacuum kamarku.
But, on another side, I feel relieved because I can observe my feeling. I could describe it without denial. I feel unmotivated, sad, numb, and sick all at once. I’m not okay with this kind of situation, and that’s okay to feel this way. I want to remind myself that I’m doing great at processing all of this. There are so many things that I don’t know, especially when it comes to myself. I have always been dynamic and strongly sensitive. I admit that I’m not always honoring my signatures. But, these past weeks I’ve been doing more to get to know myself deeper and be my authentic self. We all doing this shit in our own ways. ❤
